Family caregiving

Chick forwarded this link to a good article in the New York Times about family members as caregivers. It was very interesting, and I need to find the follow up article promised for the following week (which should be @ this week).

Chick has this harder than I do, but I think between us we have a lot of the stress carpet covered.

Playing riddles with the IRS

I’m dealing with some mystery from the IRS over one of Snowy’s tax returns from about 3 years ago. I don’t understand it but they are charging her for something. I’m not going to argue at this point but get the charge paid, sending a letter of request for understanding whatever it is they are chagrined about.

Ignoring my life

Like so much of my life, I don’t feel I get the time to burrow deep enough into it to understand what is going on and to really live it, embrace it. It’s mostly just skimming across the top of things because there’s not much of a chance to do more. I’m trying to remember a time where I felt rooted enough, belonging enough, to really claim my life. Surely that was true at some points in my journey — I just can’t recall them without effort, and I’m so tired all the time (and have been for years) that it exhausts me even to think about thinking about it. That is ridiculous on my part.

I’ve had some odd dreams over the last while — nothing earth-shattering or crazy bizarre or filled with aliens from outer space. But they have been so real that I could feel the temperature of stones I was walking on, smell the must of a damp hallway, see colors very realistically, and felt worn-out from the running around lanes and through passages in houses, etc. etc. etc. They say that to dream in color is not always done. There’s some extra meaning attached to it when you do. I will put looking that up on my to-do list. I’d just as soon not have these dreams as they take me back into a relationship that’s long over and needs to be sewn down tight as such in my mind. I don’t need to go there again, and I think I’ve learned just about every lesson to be learned therefrom. So how do I tell my sleeping mind to cut it out already?

Snowy update

Snowy improves. She finally bounced back (or forward) from the surgery/hospital experience, although she is still getting over the physical effects. But after a tough and frightening (because she was SO out of it) weekend and couple days of this week — wherein she couldn’t even attune to the playback of the taped Alabama game, among other things, and her eyes were clouded and not registering us and her surroundings as anything she was connected to — about Tuesday (?) afternoon, Chick heard Snowy calling her by name from her room where she’d been sleeping some more. Chick flew in there and found Snowy mentally back to last Thursday early morning, before the trip to the hospital, and asking about taking her jewelry off (her wedding ring which she still wears all the time, her little watch). She had no memory of the surgery (or the hospital stay, YEA), but wasn’t surprised or upset to find out that these had occurred and were now behind her.

She has steadily progressed from there. Today, however, was the first time that she had enough oomph to get dressed, which she needed to do for the follow up visit with the surgeon at his office mid-morning today. Since this was supposed to be just a follow up look at her wound and stitches, I didn’t leave work and go with. Chick told me later that the surgeon, in his brief appearance, told  her that all of the cancer had not been removed because the pathology report showed that there were not clean edges. But he said that there seemed to be something pretty special about Snowy and her resistance to the melanoma, especially given that this one AND the long-growing huge one removed 5 years ago had not spread despite how awful they were. I hope I got whatever genes she has in this regard

Chick & the chicklet update

Chick grows bit by bit, and looks so cute. She is feeling the growing pains at the top of her belly as the kidlet grows and pushes things up and out, and she has finally come to appreciate what some nice lotion does for her stretching skin. We have been having fun thinking about such concrete items as cribs and rockers/gliders, and the like. I love that she is finally settling into the situation with less worry and is getting to enjoy growing a little person. I’m working on growing out my white hair a bit so, if inclined, I can sport a good “granny bun” in a few more months

Work things

Work continues along and I still feel like I am tiptoeing, although there haven’t been any kick-in-the-gut episodes for a little bit. The brat has even spoken jokingly with me a few times as if he hadn’t been viciously sharpening knives for cutting my throat recently; and Whiney is my new ‘best friend’. I’ve only ever been supportive of and helpful to both of them, so not quite sure why the turnabout unless Supergirl has been working some spells. I hear her talking with them sometimes (well, a lot– they are a loud bunch), but these times are spent trying to educate them, set out standards, and hold them up to these. Now that there is another “new boy”, a young fellow with a few years experience and a grasp for the right way to do things and why, I think the others are having a harder time acting out with bad behavior and claiming that that is the right thing to do.

In the meantime, I am also enjoying the dip back from senior to middle management (although still titularly senior). The many, many, many extra duties and responsibilities that I had to step up and carry over nearly 3 years, things that were not part of my job description or what I was told I’d be doing when I was hired — and for which I was NOT compensated in proportion to the extra efforts shouldered — well, they’ve in good part slid off of me and onto those who are supposed to handle them. That leaves me with time to gear up for a huge project we have been working towards since Spring 2006. It is going to take a monumental effort, with Doll working alongside to QC my input, and it will have to be done amidst the rest of the document production and research work that is my job. I am sure I will be ‘tested’ because I will get wrapped up in the one and not want to stop and do the other (with both the project and my ‘real’ job — I do get focused on whatever I’m doing!).

Aside about lateness, earliness, tomorrow’s derm appointment, laundry, and confession about my suitcase

I’m up too late writing this but I hate that I’ve become such a hit/miss poster lately. I’ve got to get to bed so I can get up and go in early tomorrow. I have to leave early to have the stitch out of the back of my leg and find out the identity of the freckle that gave up its existence for the sake of pathology. And then I have one of my vacation days on Friday (Yea!). Although I need to spend a good bit of it doing laundry. I still haven’t finished unpacking the small bag I took to the conference @a month ago!

A s***ty way to start the day

This morning, also meant for getting up and going in early, was ruined pretty quickly. Although I did get up “early” (thanks to Chick, at my request), the first task that HAD to be handled was the long overdue changing of the kitty litter boxes (oh, yes; those) and getting the garbage bags filled with the “old” out to the garbage can before the garbage men came today. The cats were ALL over that chore, everyone wanting to have a last turn before the old was decanted and a first turn in the new deep fresh material. It made the job take 3 or 4 times as long.

I hauled the first, lighter bag out to the can and then rolled it back from the street (where Chick had taken it, since she can’t ever count on my remembering to get it to the street in time before the truck rolls up) so I didn’t have as far to haul the heavier bag. Back to the bathroom to pick up that ‘big’ bag and as I started off with it, it sprang a leak and poured a stream of litter from my bathroom, through 2 halls and the entry to the front door. Squawking, cursing, and wailing simultaneously, at least I got the bag heaved into the garbage can at the door and didn’t add to the horrible problem by having the ’stuff’ pour out all down the driveway.

After I got the can rolled back to the curb (just in time), I had to face the cleanup. The vacuum was too smart to pick the stuff up, so Chick loaned me her whisk broom/brush and dustpan from her kitty’s setup. I spent the next 45 minutes plus on my hands and knees corralling the trail of kitty litter (it bounces far, especially on the hard surfaces) and then eventually disinfecting with a round of ’swiffering’ with the wet jet. Oy. An absolutely  horrible way to start the day. I missed the gathering I was heading in early for, but my mind was so clouded over with dark stratocummuli that I didn’t even care.

And then there was lunch…

So the day could have just clunked on downhill from there — it was meeting day, after all — but fortunately it really didn’t. One of my cohorts and I slipped out to lunch with a former consultant who had experienced at nuclear-blast-firsthand trying to bring some sense and understanding and order to the kindergarteners about a year and a half ago and still has the deep, deep scars to show for his efforts. He suggested a little Thai place not too far from the office, and I had some tasty vegetarian versions of some good stuff. I was practically licking the bowls   The conversation was most interesting as it was a good catch-up with info that my cohort had stored up, and the consultant (“Granola Guy”) actually had some add-ons he’d gotten from my boss (or whatever I should refer to him as these days) about some of the situations. It was entertaining and definitely good for some laughs. He did ask both of us if (our favorite headhunter) had fresh copies of our resumes and was working to bust us out of there. I can’t move Snowy, not at this point, so I’m not looking, even though I should. Cohort said he and his crew were hanging on for an improvement in the economy and market. I think Granola Guy wanted to stir up a little trouble just for kicks and a bit of revenge on the company. I’m still processing some of the tidbits that I got out of that lunch. Wish Sis was around to exclaim over them!

At last, good night

Okay. I’m babbling in my weariness because I’m too tired to stand up. Good night! Sleep tight!