Going forward I will no longer have occasion to write about the Brat, the Princess, Whiney, or the other challenges from the office.

Today, late morning, 2 of the guys (who only office at the company and do some contract work for it) came in my office, shut the door, sat down, and told me I was laid off.

The breath was literally shocked right out of my body with an audible “ooooof!”

They were full of kindness as they bent over backwards to make it clear that I was not being “fired” or being cut off because of poor performance or issues. This is the next round of “Reduction in Force” that had been whispered about 2 months ago, but blindly I did not think my position could/would be eliminated. My assistant was let go as well. I don’t know who else felt the cold steel of the axe blade today — the last time it was done in drips throughout the day and maybe it was also being done this way today as well, and they didn’t want to tell me so I couldn’t ‘warn’ anyone. I don’t know.

At the moment I am just breathless with the shock of it, awash in the tears of how awful it feels. I do understand that our industry is in a bad way at the moment — we aren’t doing any development and leases are fewer and farther between. The long ‘brother divorce’ has also taken a huge economic toll on the owners not only as hits to the company but also personally as well, so they are very uncomfortable. I don’t begrudge that they are taking steps to try to stay viable. Still it hurts like hell.

And I am definitely having the feeling of gearing up for a good flailing — what will I do to take care of my little household?

I haven’t even had a chance to share here the continuing evolution with Snowy and the fact that the Hospice folks have spent time talking with us about NOW is when we need to get Snowy moved on in to a nursing home as her needs are too everconstant and evolving for us to be her best care  now. So we have been frantically working on that, trying to find or reconstruct papers and information that will allow the Hospice social worker to get her in a position to be able to go to a nursing home. Assuming (as I MUST) that I will get another job and most likely not in the River City, we will have to deal with if/when she gets admitted ‘here’, when we relocate we will get her moved “there”. We can’t not get her started on the higher level of care. But, wow. That is a new element that must be considered carefully.

And Chick is soon approaching delivery of the kidlet — the ultrasound scan that I suddenly didn’t need to hurry back from today, shows our little fellow is 2+ weeks ahead on his size (I appreciated his little wave – it made me feel better). Things are set up here as far as the Florida insurance for both of them to complete pregnancy and delivery, and it didn’t occur to us that we would be anything but settled for some while to come.

And as “head of household” of the Small World, I am suddenly a big old loser, and my brain is not yet working (still a dish of mush) on what I will be able to do — my age, my battered industry, etc etc etc.

“What next”s will come — they’ll have to because the situation will have to be solved. I just can’t quite be there yet.

And I still have to go back “after hours” today and meet someone to get my personal items out of my former office (having already turned over keys and keycards) because there’s more than can be stuck under my arm and sent off with this morning. There is a whole bookcase of books, pictures on the wall, a drawer or too or personal items mixed in with collections of extra work papers that must be gone through. I dread it, I feel like shit about it, it must be done so it will get done.

My “boss” (or who was my “boss” before he downgraded me to reporting to Supergirl — which I guess should have been a wink-nod clue except that he absolutely assured me I was safe) hasn’t spoken to me in quite awhile, and although apparently the decision was pretty much his, he didn’t even wave goodbye. The 2 non-employees who delivered the message (I guess because they’ve known me longer and better than Supergirl and thought it would be a kindness to hear it from them rather than her) told me that “as hard as it is on the people being let go, it was really hard on the one who had to do it.” Yeah. Right. Supergirl has barely spoken to me the last few days, and she didn’t wave goodbye either. Clues are there in hindsight.

Oy.

Such is life.