Happy Halloween!

Watch this space

Not a chance to write just now, but a day of ripples and info have led Chick and me to a decision to start an adventure in living, with W’s agreement.

Much to figure out and much to do and hard challenges ahead.

I keep praying for guidance and help.

Advice and help will be appreciated once I get the concept on the table.

And don’t forget the prayers. Need those!

trudging gingerly through the hobgoblins

All are relieved of any duty or obligation to read the following post. It is an incoherent cryptic wail noting the frustrations of dealing with multiplying minutiae and does little to move the ’story’ forward.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.       —Ralph Waldo Emerson

The number of details that must be dealt with have taken some broad concepts of things I need to do and plunged them down into the forest of tangles where all the fleas live in the dog’s fur.

Okay, that was a strange disconnected metaphor.

It just seems like the simple items on the checklist like — (a) pay Snowy’s last bills, file for her insurance so the funeral home can be paid, ask her lawyer to probate her will (so the final blow-up with one diseased family branch can just get over with), etc. — (b) deposit the check for little blue car’s sale and pay the outstanding bills and rent for a month — (c) find a job (ha; that never leaves the to-d0 list) —  would be matter of simply do it, mark it off the list.

But little simplicity exists in the Small World.

— bills are not what they should be, and when I query, I can’t get callbacks or answers;

—insurance people (all have been kind so far) promise to send paperwork for claims

— and the paperwork involves my obtaining MORE paperwork from various other sources, which sources require checks or other forms of readily available funds to pay for, and they’ll start working on getting paperwork after funds are received (and, one has the impression, the coin bitten to assure it’s good), then it will be days before the paperwork is obtained and then it will be mailed along….;

— and more paperwork to prove that the other paperwork can be dealt with in today’s reality, which requires more paperwork and more readily available funds and the kindness of people far away…;

— lawyer needs family tree plus report on funds and assets and etc etc etc, most of which I can not provide until all the other is sorted out, which further delays the disease branch blow-up and keeps that looming along with the wrath and venom of other branch  (the one that has stayed far away and unconnected or seemingly concerned until erupting at the funeral with its infiltration of gypsy moths and deforesting our family connection.  [oh, just all kinds of looming dread that my vivid imagination has been too tame versus reality];

— payments for little blue cars are not checks but drafts from strange forms of accounts and can not be converted to cash even at the bank on which they are drawn and then other banks want to put unrealistically long holds on with titanium chains wrapped around in every direction and then charge daily and heftily nasty fees for the fact that the money is so chained  [much drama involved herein, including personal reaching out, driving from bank to bank, exposing vulnerabilities and grief and humiliation, promises made to remove fees (one day’s were), promises made to utilize peer to peer relationship to facilitate swift release of chains, being humbled below the humbling so far endured, waiting and trusting, fees continuing, getting no promised calls, calling and not connecting and getting no promised callbacks…… this is what it will be like again in another month or so when the money, if ever accessed to pay what is due now, runs out again and I have nothing of value left to sell…;

— jobs don’t happen despite my constant, never-ceasing culling for all possibilities from the ones that are posted in various places, applying (sometimes an application can take up to an hour or more, sometimes less), sending it off with a closed-eyed wish and prayer and so much hope, and then … nothing. The details on this to-d0 are tedious, tiring, now-depressing because my naiveté has been stripped and sandblasted from me, but I’ve plodded through the process so many times in nearly 9 months that it is nearly second nature now. Too bad one can’t earn a paycheck for being a faithful job applicant.

So, I don’t really expect anyone to read this dreary, non-uplifting post. I wouldn’t. It is more just chalking the day on the prison wall of this Job-like year, a footnote that I press on, shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone, whether my brain is screeching with fear and sadness or my feet are aching or my head is struggling to unbow or my spirit is in tatters. Dear Diary, today I trudged gingerly through the details required by life as it is at this time.

The baby is challenged today, too, as he has started VERY NECESSARY sleep training, and after 2 really good successful days, had circled today on his calendar in red as the day he would stage a revolt. Sleep still has to happen sometime, my darling boy. Life as it is.